• Home
  • SOCRATES’ THINKING
    • News and comment
    • Editorial
  • About
  • US
    • Sportsocratic team
    • Contributors
  • Reviews
    • Adventures
    • Books
    • Places
  • Contributions
  • Advertise
  • Contact

Sportsocratic

Thoughts, ideas, opinions and postulations on sport and adventuring

  • Sport & society
    • Ethics & Values
    • History
    • Favourite photos
    • Cultural and social issues
    • Politics
    • Big questions
    • Sport fashion
      • Sartorialism and style
  • Wild sports
  • Silly stuff
  • Sports science
    • Research
    • Coaching
    • Innovation
    • HEALTH
  • The things that made me
  • Stories
    • General sporting stories
    • Waves of Pain
      • No Respect!
      • Death Wish at Fairy Bower
      • Fried nuts
      • The ocean is a trickster… especially Hawaii’s North Shore – Gas chambers bites the unwary!
      • Titus Kinimaka’s nightmare Christmas
      • Dix dumped – the trials of a self-confessed elite body surfer
      • The little surf that nearly ruined a promising career…
      • Rabbit killer – a master takes a caning at pipeline!
      • Death Wish at Fairy Bower
      • Easternmost memory – surfing in the wild at the end of the continent
      • Nothing ruins a good surf like a couple of blokes with automatic assault rifles…
      • Agony for Miki Dora
      • Smashed at Gas Chambers
      • Who was Europe’s first surfing woman? Introducing the wonderful Witch of Newbury.
      • A bad day at Palmy – surfies and clubbies at war!
      • When being a proven waterman is not enough!
      • The highs and lows of surfing Sunset Beach while competing at the Duke Kahanamoku Invitational
      • An American midnight surf – that goes very wrong!
  • What does it mean?
    • What is a snake?
    • What does “shag” mean?
    • What does “Freddy Jones” mean?
    • What does “hook and ladder” mean?
    • What does back walk-over mean?
  • Philosophers Sport Bar
    • Socrates and Aristotle debate football defence
    • Michel de Montaigne on coaching sports
    • Ancient philosophers discuss what makes the beautiful game beautiful! Laozi and Socrates get technical.

Rugby scrum and sports rorts – government employs Spartan approach

January 23, 2020 By SOCRATES Leave a Comment Filed Under: News and comment

I can’t believe that its over two thousand years since I last packed down in the front row of the Athens 1st fifteen. We were good. Especially our scrum. I was the best hooker in the Hellenic Union if I do say so myself. Those Spartan sissies thought that they could match us in the scrumming department, but they were dreaming. We kicked their arses. Time and time again.

The rugby scrum has rules… sort of

The current fuss about the former sports minister and her “we broke no rules” attitude to awarding financial grants to people of her own choosing rather than following the analysis and advice of the Sports Commission reminded me of those epic battles we had with the Spartan scrum. The minster’s approach to the awarding sports grants game was pretty much the same as the Spartans take on the rugby scrum. They couldn’t break any rules because, in their book, there weren’t any rules. They just made stuff up as they went along.

There used to be rules

I had a different take on the rules of the rugby scrum. Back in the dim past hookers used to have a very different role in the scrumming process. Hookers used to strike for the ball. There were rules that determined how a hooker could behave in their attempt to win the ball in a scrum. Hookers were not allowed to raise their foot to strike until the ball landed in the scrum (placed there by the scrum half). Hookers were not allowed to obstruct the entrance to the scrum and had to keep their feet back behind the feet of their supporting props. Hookers also had to keep their bodies and feet in a position that would enable them to give a forward push (in other words, no lying down in the scrum to get closer to the ball).

The red prop (number 1) is positioned closest to the scrum half who puts the ball in. This gives his hooker an advantage. That’s having the “loose head.”

Of course, like any decent hooker from centuries ago, these rules (to keep the hookers honest and the contest fair) were open to interpretation. I would often give away one or two penalties in the first quarter of a match as I tried to figure out exactly how each referee interpreted the scrum rules. Some refs were strict, and others were liberal. Every referee was different. If a ref was happy for me to hang from my props shoulders while almost lying horizontally with my feet at the mouth of the tunnel, I was happy to oblige. If the ref thought that it was fair game for me to strike before the ball even left the scrum half’s hand (rather then when the ball enters the scrum) that was okay with me too. Whatever the referee was happy to allow was okay by me, so long as he was clear and consistent in his interpretation of the rules. I was a good hooker, and won a lot of scrums (both with and against the head – don’t ask what that means if you don’t know… its technical and boring) largely because I understood the rules and made it my job to know how far I could push them.

Sometimes got away with it

The Spartans. Oh… the Spartans. They were a different story! While I knew that there were rules of scrummaging and was happy to skirt around the edge of the rules to find out what was acceptable and what wasn’t acceptable the Spartans were not interested in rules at all. A loud cry of “Spartans, feet back” from the Spartan hooker meant that he and his props had no intention of even trying to strike for the ball. Their intention was to kick the shit out of me and stomp on my legs when my foot came out to strike. Along with gashed legs came punches to the face and knees to the groin. But these were minor issues. The Spartan’s cleverest strategy was to steal the loose head (don’t ask… it’s much too difficult in print to explain) and while doing so to head butt all three opposing front rowers as hard as they could in the face as the two scrums were engaging. Ludicrously, since referees seemed to have no consciousness of what was going on in scrums and such behaviours were so far outside normal reasonable conventions and rules that the Spartans sometimes got away with it.

There was one very famous Spartan prop (who, incidentally, went on to become a very famous politician) who did get caught for his head-butting strategy once and was asked to leave the field by the referee. Unfortunately, his unruly play still paid off for his team because his Athenian opponent was also dismissed for retaliating with his fists.

The props and hooker (in the middle) are usually the best looking blokes on any particular team

The good news is the Spartan rule-free behaviour rarely did them any good. Despite our bruises, gashes and headaches we still won most of the scrums, providing our backs with lots of clean possession thus enabling us to win most games. Our focus on the ball and the rules enabled us to kick their arses time and time again.

Unfortunately, that no longer seems to be the case. The former Australian sports minister claims that she “broke no rules.” What she means is that there were no rules and she made the rules up as she went along. The only rule that was obeyed in the end was the rule that “I am the boss and what I say goes.” No amount of complaining by wronged sporting associations, or journalists, or parliamentary opponents, or government auditing bodies, or the general public or the ethical watch dogs of the minister’s own team make one iota of difference. The minster does whatever she wants because she can… and because, I suppose, we let her get away with it.

Front rowers (hookers and props) generally look a bit like this…

That always was the problem with democracy. If the people allow the rulers to behave badly, the rulers behave badly.

SOCRATES

Short, fat, slow, uncoordinated and clumsy, ancient Athenian Socrates had very few of the physical quality required of the elite athlete. He did have, on the other hand, a better than average brain between his ears and a mouth that could talk opposing players, referees and coaches half into their graves. Socrates, as a sport analyst, is what the world needs and misses. He is an opinionated so-and-so that actually thinks deeply about sport and adventuring and likes nothing better than provoking others into deep thought. Socrates is the antithesis of the sporting jock or the West Sydney soccer supporter.

Support Sportsocratic

Thanks for reading this story! We appreciate your visit to Sportsocratic… and love providing alternative information, opinions and angles from the sporting world. The world of sport is so full of the same old stuff from the same old sources that it drives us nuts… and it makes our day giving voice to less orthodox views. If you appreciate our free service, give some thought to helping us out. It costs us big bucks to keep Sportsocratic going but, if our readers support us, our future is much more secure.

Help us to keep you entertained and informed… and enable Socrates to keep asking those big philosophical sporting questions.

Support Sportsocratic for as little as a $1 and we would love you to bits. It only takes a few seconds!

Support Us

Tagged With: hooker, prop, rugby, scrum, scrum half, sports minister

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Related

Outstanding achievement

Outstanding (but not well-known) sporting achievement

September 19, 2019 By SOCRATES Leave a Comment

Everyone has heard of Kelly Slater and his bucket load of world surfing titles. Michael Jordan and his multitude of NBA titles are pretty common knowledge too. Michael Schumacher’s six world driver’s championships are pretty well known as well. Here is a sporting achievement all three would be jealous of. Manly surfer Greg Mossop has a sporting achievement that these three champions could only dream of and Mossop believes that, with a bit of luck, he could have done even better!

Rugby Trivia

Olympics Rugby Teams – Who are the greatest?

April 23, 2020 By SOCRATES Leave a Comment

The rugby trivia question for the century! Which national rugby union team holds the record for the most Olympic gold medals in Rugby Union (the full-team fifteen a side game)?

Ethics and fairplay

Never cheated in my life!

November 19, 2020 By SOCRATES Leave a Comment

What is cheating? Is cheating a black and white moral issue… or are there shades of gray. Socrates spent twenty years in the engine room of the beautiful game of rugby… the scrum. He loved being a rugby hooker. He reckons that being slap bang in the middle of sixteen enormous, sweating blokes desperate to secure possession of the ball for their team taught him quite a bit about the fine art of cheating… what it is… and what it isn’t…. and how it can be done. Here Socrates lifts the veil on aspects of the workings of the 1970’s and 80’s amateur rugby scrum revealing some of its secrets. In so doing he shows that cheating is not a simple moral issue. he also claims to haver never deliberately cheated. Do you believe him?

Sport and the question of ethics

November 13, 2020 By SOCRATES Leave a Comment

“Come on. Get over it. Move on. It’s just a game!”

Most sports lovers have, at some stage of their sporting lives, experienced what they perceived to be a significant sporting injustice and had their complaints answered with just such a response. But is it “just a game?” Do injustices within the sporting realm have the potential to do real damage to individuals and to society. Socrates heard a story about a local sporting team who felt that they had been dudded by the organizers of their regional competition and he wondered whether their concerns about the perceived lack of fairness in their case and the potential consequences for all involved had any merit.

When Socrates heard former rugby referee and philosopher, Dr Simon Longstaff (Executive Director of The Ethics Centre), discussing the importance of ethics with great eloquence and passion on the radio he thought that he might be a good person to ask about whether ethics applies in sport and whether there are potential consequences for society when fair play in sport is sidestepped.

Simon was kind enough to agree to a chat. Click the pic to read the good stuff.

New surfing podcast

One of Australia’s greatest ever surfers – one of surfing’s greatest story tellers – “Rabbit” Bartholomew – talks to award winning journalist Tim Baker about life, surfing and stuff. Perfect listening for lockdown entertainment.

SOCRATES’ RECENT TWEETS

Tweets by Sportsocratic

professionalism

Priorities in times of Covid-19

April 14, 2020 By SOCRATES NEWS DESK Leave a Comment

Here is a story about a new kid in town who suddenly, as a result of the Covid-19 pandemic, has to worry about how she will survive. At the same time, sports celebrities implore “loyal fans” to keep supporting their clubs financially. This kid…. and millions of others (many of them new kids in town) just WANT THEIR MONEY BACK. They need it! The elite sports leaders and many average punters come from totally different worlds. When someone asks the ones without jobs about how important the survival of professional sports teams is, I doubt that they have even given it any thought. They have more important things on their minds.

wisdom

Its just a job. Grass grows. Birds fly. Waves pound the sand. I beat people up. – Muhammad Ali

sport at mardi gras

Athletes in the LGBTQI Mardi Gras

March 12, 2019 By SOCRATES 2 Comments

Twenty-one different sports teams marched in this years Sydney Mardi Gras. That’s twenty-one groups of out and proud queer athletes. The LGBTQI community need to be “fearless” and queer athletes are no exception. Check out these fearless sporting clubs living it up on their night of night!

A life with horses

A life with horses – or Lulu in wonderland

August 8, 2018 By TIMOTHY EDWARDS Leave a Comment

It’s well known that playing sport can be a life-changing experience. For one mum, adventurer and businessperson, having a sporty pastime was more than life-changing. Lulu’s friendship with her horses has touched her and her daughter’s lives in a million ways and created a whole new life in an ever-changing wonderland for them both. But don’t think for a moment that their horses are the purpose built catalysts for their ideal lives! Its way more complex than that… and more respectful. Read on! It’s worth it!

wisdom

“Pressure? Pressure is a Messerschmidt up your arse. Playing cricket is not!”

Keith Miller

One of the greatest cricket “all-rounders” of all time, Keith Miller was not only an exceptional performer in multiple elements of test cricketing (batting, bowling and fielding) but he was also gifted in numerous other aspects of his life. Witty, entertaining, handsome, a renowned war time pilot and gifted Australian Rules Footballer, Miller was famed for calling a spade a spade and acknowledging that there was much more to life than elite sports. Having flown fighter bombers in the Second World War under life threatening circumstances he was not one to take the “pressure” of high level sport too seriously!

trivia

Here is a cracker of a trivia question.

Who was the college recruiting scout talking about when he said the following to his head coach.

“I’ve just seen a fat guy… who can play like the wind!”

Yup. The same guy who told people that just because they had shoes like his, it didn’t make them like him in any other way. Charles Wade Barkley.

Etymology

Where did the word canter come from?

August 8, 2018 By SOCRATES Leave a Comment

A bit more horsey stuff for people who liked the story next door. Here is a cracker bit of etymology for all you word lovers (and horse lovers) out there. Where does the word canter come from? You’ll never guess in a million years! Click here to find out. It’s a beauty!

What does it mean?

What is Elvis leg?

Admit it. You’ve never heard of “Elvis leg,” have you? What the blazes is “Elvis leg?” As is the case with every other “What does it mean…” story we have ever posted, the answer is not directly related to the name itself. It is indirectly related to Elvis, though. Have a guess what the relationship is… then click here and check out whether your were correct. Find out for certain which sport uses this term and what it means.

What is a liberator?

Of course most you aviation buffs will think that a liberator is an American WW2 heavy bomber. Fair enough. But in a sporting context does it have a completely different meaning? Indeed it does. You are going to have to click here to find out what a liberator is and does in the world of sport.

Aphorisms, insights and wisdom

“The thing that’s depressing about tennis is that no matter how good I get I will never be as good as a wall.”

More perceptive sporting analysis from Mitch Hedberg, comic genius.

 

ebook

Phillip has returned to the south of India after eighteen years. But who is the young girl staying in his hotel? And what will he learn about his estranged brother through Inez, the Spanish backpacker?

To buy The Bangalore Test, John Campbell’s new ebook novella, just click the link.

  • Email
  • Facebook
  • Instagram
  • Twitter

©2019 Sportsocratic