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    • Waves of Pain
      • No Respect!
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      • Titus Kinimaka’s nightmare Christmas
      • Dix dumped – the trials of a self-confessed elite body surfer
      • The little surf that nearly ruined a promising career…
      • Rabbit killer – a master takes a caning at pipeline!
      • Death Wish at Fairy Bower
      • Easternmost memory – surfing in the wild at the end of the continent
      • Nothing ruins a good surf like a couple of blokes with automatic assault rifles…
      • Agony for Miki Dora
      • Smashed at Gas Chambers
      • Who was Europe’s first surfing woman? Introducing the wonderful Witch of Newbury.
      • A bad day at Palmy – surfies and clubbies at war!
      • When being a proven waterman is not enough!
      • The highs and lows of surfing Sunset Beach while competing at the Duke Kahanamoku Invitational
      • An American midnight surf – that goes very wrong!
  • What does it mean?
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    • What does “shag” mean?
    • What does “Freddy Jones” mean?
    • What does “hook and ladder” mean?
    • What does back walk-over mean?
  • Philosophers Sport Bar
    • Socrates and Aristotle debate football defence
    • Michel de Montaigne on coaching sports
    • Ancient philosophers discuss what makes the beautiful game beautiful! Laozi and Socrates get technical.

Swimmer smashes recent times…

August 13, 2019 By TIMOTHY EDWARDS Leave a Comment Filed Under: Silly stuff

After a week of recording pitifully slow freestyle times over 1500 m, swimmer and sports philosopher, Socrates, knew he had to change something.

“I was swimming like a bloody soccer player, all week,” lamented the ancient Greek athlete and thinker, “…so I had to come up with a solution!”

Miraculously, Socrates shaved five minutes off his recent times while swimming at Lennox Head Aquatic Centre this morning. When asked how he had turned around his recent pathetic performances he explained that he put his success down to a new pair of sluggos.

Socrates new sluggos selfie

“These new Aussie Bums sluggos took seconds off every lap,” he said. “I blew the doors off that old bastard in the lane next to me.”

Praise for sluggos

Socrates was effusive in his praise of his new cossies with the vertical stripes and is hoping that his discovery of the greater speed that the vertical stripes gives over the horizontal stripes that he has traditionally worn will lead to even greater performance improvements in upcoming swims.

Fellow swimmer and high performance athlete, Grant Millington, expressed doubts over Socrates’ claims after the ancient Greek’s recent swim.

“You’re a frikkin’ idiot, Socrates!” said Millington, on hearing about Socrates’ recent success.

Chance of world record?

Despite Millington’s cynicism Socrates is confident that world record times over the 1500 m might still be a possibility if he continues to improve. Not wishing to take credit for his remarkable recent swim Socrates gives all of the credit to Sean from Aussie Bums and his brand new Aussie Bums rocket slugs!

Close up of the new vertical stripe sluggo technology

TIMOTHY EDWARDS

Tim Edwards has had a completely rubbish sporting career so it is odd that he seems so obsessed with sport and adventuring. As a basketball shooting guard he had an okay jump shot but couldn't do anything else. As a rugby hooker he spent more time puking then actually playing. As a runner he won an awful lot of consolation prize chocolates for coming fourth but almost never won a ribbon. Despite his inadequacies he still loves sport and has opinions on almost any sporting subject. Tim has spent large parts of his working life in publishing and writing roles and has even done his share of teaching sport management to Uni students. He has coached more sports teams than he cares to remember. Tim is an awful surfer and skier but his lack of competence does not bother him one little bit!

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Tagged With: 1500m, aussie bums, freestyle, new technology, sluggos, Socrates, sports philosophy, swimming

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