While many have criticized some footballers (soccer players), throughout the World Cup, for an abundance of what appear to be less than life-threatening injuries, a senior American research fellow in rare illnesses, Professor Gerard Ouchy of the Bostonian Institute for Societal Degenerative Functionality Disorders (BISDFD) has pointed out that several players may well be undiagnosed sufferers from a combination of rare debilitating disorders.
Players show symptoms!
“I have been watching games at the World Cup closely over the last few weeks and I believe some soccer stars have exhibited a number of the symptomatic behaviours normally associated with two serious conditions,” said Ouchy. “While both conditions are very rare it is even more rare to have them both present in the one patient.”
Ouchy explained that severe reactions to non-existent trauma are common in sufferers of Congenital Oversensitivity to Pain (COP) and can render a sufferer momentarily disabled. He added that, while COP is rare across the general community, it is, oddly enough, less rare in the general soccer playing community and becoming even less rare again in the elite professional ranks. Why this should be so, is yet to be revealed by research. Ouchy warns critics of soccer players that they should walk a mile in the shoes of a COP sufferer before heaping abuse on the afflicted.
“COP sufferers lead very difficult lives,” says Ouchy. “Even everyday activities like yawning, smiling, brushing your teeth and kissing a partner goodnight are excruciatingly painful experiences for COP people, and the possibility of sexual activity is far too frightening to even contemplate for many, “Ouchy added.
Ouchy explained that some World Cup participants also exhibit behaviours associated with the even rarer and more troubling AIRPTYaF.
AIRPTYaF is a serious condition!
“Acquired Inability to Recognize that People Think you’re a Fuckwit is a relatively newly discovered disorder and a clearly defined symptom range is only now starting to emerge from the research,” argued Ouchy. “In some recent soccer matches one or two players may well have shown some of the symptoms that scientists are beginning to discover may be associated with the disease. Complete disregard for incredulous looks from match officials, opponents, medical staff, spectators and coaches might be pointers to their suffering!”
Ouchy pointed out that while COP sufferers have it very tough, in that they cannot distinguish between non-existent and actual injuries, having COP associated with AIRPTYaF makes life even harder in that it can further complicate matters through adding potential economic consequences.
“Many professional sporting clubs try to promote a culture of courage, strength and endurance,” Ouchy commented. “While some clubs are willing to pay a fortune for a player with sublime skills and don’t care about culture there are still many others that would be unwilling to open their cheque books to pay for someone who exhibits COP and AIRPTYaF behaviours. Such sufferers thus may experience financial losses as a consequence of their suffering! I mean who wants to play with a fuckwit… let alone pay them?”