• Home
  • SOCRATES’ THINKING
    • News and comment
    • Editorial
  • About
  • US
    • Sportsocratic team
    • Contributors
  • Reviews
    • Adventures
    • Books
    • Places
  • Contributions
  • Advertise
  • Contact

Sportsocratic

Thoughts, ideas, opinions and postulations on sport and adventuring

  • Sport & society
    • Ethics & Values
    • History
    • Favourite photos
    • Cultural and social issues
    • Politics
    • Big questions
    • Sport fashion
      • Sartorialism and style
  • Wild sports
  • Silly stuff
  • Sports science
    • Research
    • Coaching
    • Innovation
    • HEALTH
  • The things that made me
  • Stories
    • General sporting stories
    • Waves of Pain
      • No Respect!
      • Death Wish at Fairy Bower
      • Fried nuts
      • The ocean is a trickster… especially Hawaii’s North Shore – Gas chambers bites the unwary!
      • Titus Kinimaka’s nightmare Christmas
      • Dix dumped – the trials of a self-confessed elite body surfer
      • The little surf that nearly ruined a promising career…
      • Rabbit killer – a master takes a caning at pipeline!
      • Death Wish at Fairy Bower
      • Easternmost memory – surfing in the wild at the end of the continent
      • Nothing ruins a good surf like a couple of blokes with automatic assault rifles…
      • Agony for Miki Dora
      • Smashed at Gas Chambers
      • Who was Europe’s first surfing woman? Introducing the wonderful Witch of Newbury.
      • A bad day at Palmy – surfies and clubbies at war!
      • When being a proven waterman is not enough!
      • The highs and lows of surfing Sunset Beach while competing at the Duke Kahanamoku Invitational
      • An American midnight surf – that goes very wrong!
  • What does it mean?
    • What is a snake?
    • What does “shag” mean?
    • What does “Freddy Jones” mean?
    • What does “hook and ladder” mean?
    • What does back walk-over mean?
  • Philosophers Sport Bar
    • Socrates and Aristotle debate football defence
    • Michel de Montaigne on coaching sports
    • Ancient philosophers discuss what makes the beautiful game beautiful! Laozi and Socrates get technical.
  • Travel

The Queen – A sports lover with no time for uppity colonials…

May 17, 2018 By SOCRATES Leave a Comment Filed Under: Silly stuff

Respected Head of State or anti-Australian vigilante

Now that HRH, Queen Elizabeth II has departed this earthly domain we, her subjects, have been left to lament the loss of a remarkable woman. For weeks we have heard the personal testimonies of hundreds who had met her or “knew her personally” and countless stories of her acts of kindness have been recounted. Selfless, dutiful, witty, humorous, resilient, steadfast and dedicated are just some of the adjectives that have been used to describe the former monarch. I never met the Queen. But we did have a relationship of sorts. I wouldn’t dispute, for a moment, the thousands of words that have been written in praise of Her Majesty, but I would like to point out, from my personal experience, there might have been a darker side. Many have suggested that the Queen loved Australia and Australians. The following true story (that I initially told some years ago) suggests that her passion for all things antipodean may be exaggerated. If the yarn misinterprets or misrepresents her actions in any way I trust that HRH would laugh it off as the ravings of a paranoid colonial.

It wasn’t that many years ago that one of the world’s most famous sport lovers may have attempted to do me in. Not just once, either. She may have made two attempts on my life on the one week-end. After failing in the first attempt (a lame effort carried out by a posse of her henchmen) she may have made up her mind that, if you wanted a job done properly, you had to do it yourself! I have no idea why this powerful woman would take offence at me. I cannot recall ever having done anything to provoke or threaten her. I had paid my taxes. I had been a loyal subject. I even recall having toasted her health once at a formal dinner. Be that as it may, it seems she may have made up her mind that I was a bother, and that I should be dispatched and this all made for an awkward week-end for me. Read the true story about the Queen’s dodgy week end of sports spectating and make up your own mind.

Public road bisects the race track

As the marketing and publishing lad for a United Kingdom healthcare publishing company, my office was in the oddly-named Berkshire hamlet of Maidenhead. The cottage where I lived was a half-hour drive away in the quiet Surrey village of Windlesham. If you draw a straight line between Maidenhead and Windlesham you will discover that the line bisects the famous Royal Ascot Race course. I have no idea if it still does so, but back in the nineties the road between Windlesham and Maidenhead (Winkfield Road) passed right across the middle of the home straight of the race track meaning that, at times when race meetings were being held, motorists would be detoured around the Ascot track. I was a regular user of this beautiful, hedge-lined, road and greatly enjoyed my twice-daily crossing of the famous race-track on my journeys to and from work. It was on one of the week-ends when the Ascot races was on (and the road was closed) that I nearly came to grief, twice, at the hands of the world’s most admired equestrian participant and supporter.

The object of my desire

Late one Friday afternoon, looking forward to the up-coming week-end, I was driving home from work when I was diverted away from Winkfield Road (the races being on), so I had to take the longer route to the Ascot shops. Only a few minutes delayed, I pulled up my super cute little black Alfa 33 across the road from the Tesco store on the Ascot High Street. My mission? To purchase a cooked Tesco barbequed chicken and some Tesco coleslaw for my evening meal. I had no idea that the task would be so hazardous. I didn’t think for a moment that chicken purchasing could leave me vulnerable to the attention of an assassin previously presumed to be a kind and gentle grandmother.

Just after a chicken!

Despite the expected crowds of race day, the Ascot High Street was surprisingly uncrowded at the time. With not a vehicle anywhere in view I was able to amble, in a leisurely way, into the middle of the street, day-dreaming about my plans for the weekend ahead. Suddenly, out of the corner of my eye, I saw movement. Vehicle gates to the race course had suddenly opened a little way up the street and a pair of motor cycles followed by a rather hefty, black, Rolls Royce (or possibly Bentley) motor car had emerged from Royal Ascot and was now bearing down on me as I neared the centre of the road. Closer inspection revealed that the motor cycles were being ridden by burly police officers and the Rolls was being piloted by a gentleman wearing a formal driver’s uniform.

Ascot High Street – the scene of the crime!

For a former rugby front row forward, luckily for me, I have always had a surprising turn of speed and a relatively impressive side-step. They came in handy. The motor bikes and Rolls showed little interest in the fact that I had gotten to my place in the middle of the road first and that they were the newbies in the area as they bore down on me. My arrogant glare in the direction of the bikes and car that intended to say “you wouldn’t dare” quickly turned to a panicked “shit… I think they would” as the procession continued to speed straight for me. I managed to side-step the on-coming motor bikes relatively easily, but it took a spectacular dive in the direction of the Tesco to prevent the Rolls from rolling right over the top of me. As I flew through the air I clearly saw fury in the eyes of the seventyish-looking woman sitting in the back seat of the car and I might have even seen her mouth the words “bugger… missed” just before I hit the tarmac. As hard as it is to believe, this was not the last attempt on my life by Her Majesty, The Queen, on that week-end. There was more horror to come at another sporting event!

“Bugger… missed!”

Polo and my patriotic duty

Saturday passed uneventfully without a single violent attack from any member of the Royal Family or their friends or staff. Sunday was to prove more troubling, however. Nick, the son of the owners of the cottage I rented, couldn’t believe that a keen horseman like myself had never attended a polo match. While promising to organize for me to have a muck around on some of the ponies down at the local Berkshire Polo Club where he and his mates hung out, he also invited me to come and see one of their games this very Sunday afternoon. Figuring that polo and I were not a good match, I initially, knocked back his invitation. Nick was insistent, however. He explained that he wanted to show off his Aussie mate to his mates… and he let me know that it was my patriotic duty to come and support the future king of Australia at polo at least once. According to Nick, His Royal Highness, the Prince of Wales, would be protecting the goals in the big game for Berkshire this afternoon. I was thus left with no choice… or be found to be disloyal to my future King!

Impressive performance

So, Sunday afternoon saw me driving my little Alfa just a few kilometres down the road to the Windsor Great Park where the game was to be played. The game itself was impressive enough with extraordinarily skillful and courageous human and equine athletes charging at each other at breakneck speeds to either whack a white cricket ball through some goals at one end, or prevent the ball from being belted through goals at the other end, of the paddock. Prince Charles himself was especially impressive. His primary role seemed to be one of galloping at full throttle into anyone who even remotely looked like they might be considering scoring a goal. There is no questioning the blokes bollocks! Despite the action on the pitch, I was bored by the end of the third chukka (the game seems to be full of long breaks where nothing much happened other than people wandering around the pitch replacing the grass divots created by the galloping ponies), so I made some excuse to my Berkshire-supporting friends and headed for the car park.

Out of control sports car

“If you want something done properly… “

Just as I reached my car and opened the driver door wide to climb in, I heard a whole lot of loud muttering and tittering from folk clustered in the car park. I looked up and around to see what all the fuss was about and spied various people pointing at a sporty looking luxury car (Bentley or Daimler, I suspect) that was heading generally in my direction. Closer inspection revealed that an old lady dressed in country tweeds with a scarf tightly wrapped around her grey locks was hunched over the steering wheel. Even closer inspection revealed that the old lady was none other than Queen Elizabeth herself. Even closer closer inspection, showed that Her Majesty was up to her old tricks again and was steering her sports car straight at me. I didn’t have time to question her motivation or to beg for mercy. I dived into the driver’s seat and quickly slammed the door shut just as the green vehicle hurtled past only inches from my door. As the car flew by I swear I caught a quick glimpse of the driver muttering to herself “bugger… missed again!”

My belated attempt at bravado, “keep that sorry excuse of an oil leak the hell away from my beautiful little car,” fell on no ears at all, as the sports car with the old lady in the front seat and the grumpy looking body guard in the back disappeared down a lane and into the woods.

I know that the English and Australians tend to not get on very well when attending sporting fixtures, but my feeling is that the monarch takes the ill feeling a little too far. I have deliberately not attended any sporting events where any members of the Royal family are expected to be present ever since. Still… it could also be that I completely misinterpreted the intentions of the Monarch and that on both occasions she was just rushing home for a spot of tea and to not miss the next episode of “Neighbours.”   

SOCRATES

Short, fat, slow, uncoordinated and clumsy, ancient Athenian Socrates had very few of the physical quality required of the elite athlete. He did have, on the other hand, a better than average brain between his ears and a mouth that could talk opposing players, referees and coaches half into their graves. Socrates, as a sport analyst, is what the world needs and misses. He is an opinionated so-and-so that actually thinks deeply about sport and adventuring and likes nothing better than provoking others into deep thought. Socrates is the antithesis of the sporting jock or the West Sydney soccer supporter.

Support Sportsocratic

Thanks for reading this story! We appreciate your visit to Sportsocratic… and love providing alternative information, opinions and angles from the sporting world. The world of sport is so full of the same old stuff from the same old sources that it drives us nuts… and it makes our day giving voice to less orthodox views. If you appreciate our free service, give some thought to helping us out. It costs us big bucks to keep Sportsocratic going but, if our readers support us, our future is much more secure.

Help us to keep you entertained and informed… and enable Socrates to keep asking those big philosophical sporting questions.

Support Sportsocratic for as little as a $1 and we would love you to bits. It only takes a few seconds!

Support Us

Tagged With: ascot, bentley, daimler, Elizabeth, Majesty, polo, Prince, Queen, racing, rolls royce

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Related

travel

Dar Es Salaam to Zanzibar – reviewing a short (but lonely) journey

February 20, 2024 By SOCRATES Leave a Comment

Socrates takes us back in time when he spins a travel yarn about his journey from Tanzania capital Dar Es Salaam to the beautiful island of Zanzibar. As an Aussie expat with years of living in cushy Europe he initially finds his destination intimidating. Find out whether things got better for the intrepid sissy adventurer as he settles into his guest house in the ancient and exotic “old town” of the city of Zanzibar.

To Jambiani – Exploring Zanzibar (travel destination review)

February 18, 2024 By SOCRATES Leave a Comment

Shy and nervous Aussie Socrates doesn’t know what to make of unfamiliar and intimidating Zanzibar old town. The absence of the woman he is starting to fall for doesn’t help. Things make an unexpected turn for the better when the Netherlander heartthrob arrives at his hotel door and lets him know that she will be joining him on his exploration of the beautiful East African island after all. Join them in their journey from the bustling and eye-catching, ancient old town to the simple fishing villages of the Jambiani coast. Will the adventuring pair become an adventuring couple?

SOCRATES’ RECENT TWEETS

Tweets by Sportsocratic

Ethics and fairplay

When is cheating okay?

July 4, 2024 By SOCRATES Leave a Comment

When Socrates found out that Rugby League legend Wally Lewis had pulled off an outrageous State of Origin scam without a soul even realizing, it occurred to him that sometimes pulling a swifty should be tolerated. Here Socrates explores the history of sport and tries to establish the circumstances under which a little bit of rule book stretching is okay. Click the pic and see if you agree with him.

Wallaby v France test – the moment that soared above all the others

July 20, 2021 By SOCRATES Leave a Comment

There were many great moments in the final Wallabies versus France rugby test last week but according to Socrates, one stood our far above all the others. Was it a great try? A brilliant tackle? A perfect scrum or line-out? A fantastic bit of work at the break-down? According to the rotund Greek hooker it was none of those things. He reckons that the highlight of the game was a much quieter, simpler and more subdued moment. A moment that might have escaped the attention of millions of spectators. Find out about Socrates favorite moment of the test. Click the pic.

matildas

Just six words…

May 20, 2021 By TIMOTHY EDWARDS 1 Comment

Have you ever wished that you could meet and have a conversation with someone you idolize? What would you say to your idol to convince them to want to stay in the conversation? What would they say in response to your brilliant social skills? How would the conversation go? How would it leave you feeling? An Australian ex-professional athlete who had played with and against some of the greatest basketball talent that this country has ever seen (Andrew Gaze, Ricky Grace, Shane Heal, Phil Smythe) once, by chance, had a meeting with possibly the greatest and most famous professional sports person that has ever lived. The superstar he bumped into, in a New York elevator, just happened to be the Aussie basketballer’s idol. How did the meeting turn out? Click the pic and discover the six most memorable words in this Australian point guard’s life.

Outstanding achievement

Team Names on Sports Uniforms? Why?

May 23, 2024 By SOCRATES Leave a Comment

Socrates has been playing and watching sport for decades and one of the (many) things that has mystified and annoyed him from a young age is the way that some teams (usually basketball teams) emblazon their uniforms with their team name in text. He doesn’t get it. And he worries about where this tradition might be heading!

New surfing podcast

One of Australia’s greatest ever surfers – one of surfing’s greatest story tellers – “Rabbit” Bartholomew – talks to award winning journalist Tim Baker about life, surfing and stuff. Perfect listening for lockdown entertainment.

professionalism

So Easy To Make Hasty Judgements – Angel Reese vs Catilin Clark

December 12, 2023 By SOCRATES NEWS DESK Leave a Comment

Is the behavior of some elite athletes judged more harshly than others because of their make-up, their nails, their eyelashes, and their personal style? My own reaction to the most recent NCAA women’s basketball tournament final and the shenanigans of one LSU star player in the final moments of the game had me wondering. At the very least the public reaction to these few seconds of hard-core “trash-talking” should remind us that we should not make hasty judgements about individuals on flimsy information. Always consider the full context.

wisdom

Its just a job. Grass grows. Birds fly. Waves pound the sand. I beat people up. – Muhammad Ali

sport at mardi gras

Rusty and an ice cold beer – Photo 4.

November 7, 2024 By SOCRATES Leave a Comment

When it comes to best Australian sporting photographs with a killer back story, this one is hard to beat. What a beautiful image of a champion surfer and his mate at the infamous Sunset Beach in Hawaii. Think it looks good now? Wait until you see what the editors at an American advertising agency did to it. Ouch. Click the pic and read the full story!

A life with horses

Surfers and melanoma – how great is the risk?

November 21, 2024 By TIMOTHY EDWARDS Leave a Comment

We all know that surfers are at greater risk of skin cancer than the average non-surfer. It’s obvious. They spend more time in the sun. Should that be of real concern to surfer? Is it really that big a risk? Recent research from Southern Cross University indicates that it is a way bigger risk than most surfers… and people… imagine. Going through treatment for skin cancer lesions, even when the treatment is successful, is not fun. Surfers should be aware of the risks and take precautions. Click the pic to get the full story.

wisdom

“Pressure? Pressure is a Messerschmidt up your arse. Playing cricket is not!”

Keith Miller

One of the greatest cricket “all-rounders” of all time, Keith Miller was not only an exceptional performer in multiple elements of test cricketing (batting, bowling and fielding) but he was also gifted in numerous other aspects of his life. Witty, entertaining, handsome, a renowned war time pilot and gifted Australian Rules Footballer, Miller was famed for calling a spade a spade and acknowledging that there was much more to life than elite sports. Having flown fighter bombers in the Second World War under life threatening circumstances he was not one to take the “pressure” of high level sport too seriously!

trivia

Here is a cracker of a trivia question.

Who was the college recruiting scout talking about when he said the following to his head coach.

“I’ve just seen a fat guy… who can play like the wind!”

Yup. The same guy who told people that just because they had shoes like his, it didn’t make them like him in any other way. Charles Wade Barkley.

Etymology

Postecoglou coaching pointers

March 8, 2023 By SOCRATES Leave a Comment

Celtic football coach Ange Postecoglou’s post League Cup interview avoided the normal “we knew we had to…”, “full credit to the boys…” and “we talked about blah blah blah during the week…” bollocks that is so common in post-match player and coach chats with the media. The coach actually revealed important insights into the way great coaches think and how they seek to get the best out of their players. Any coach aspiring to become a great coach, no matter what sport they teach should listen to this interview. Postecoglou is the real deal. There are few coaches better at getting the most out of their team.

What does it mean?

What is Elvis leg?

Admit it. You’ve never heard of “Elvis leg,” have you? What the blazes is “Elvis leg?” As is the case with every other “What does it mean…” story we have ever posted, the answer is not directly related to the name itself. It is indirectly related to Elvis, though. Have a guess what the relationship is… then click here and check out whether your were correct. Find out for certain which sport uses this term and what it means.

What is a liberator?

Of course most you aviation buffs will think that a liberator is an American WW2 heavy bomber. Fair enough. But in a sporting context does it have a completely different meaning? Indeed it does. You are going to have to click here to find out what a liberator is and does in the world of sport.

Aphorisms, insights and wisdom

“The thing that’s depressing about tennis is that no matter how good I get I will never be as good as a wall.”

More perceptive sporting analysis from Mitch Hedberg, comic genius.

 

ebook

Phillip has returned to the south of India after eighteen years. But who is the young girl staying in his hotel? And what will he learn about his estranged brother through Inez, the Spanish backpacker?

To buy The Bangalore Test, John Campbell’s new ebook novella, just click the link.

  • Email
  • Facebook
  • Instagram
  • Twitter

©2019 Sportsocratic