• Home
  • SOCRATES’ THINKING
    • News and comment
    • Editorial
  • About
  • US
    • Sportsocratic team
    • Contributors
  • Reviews
    • Adventures
    • Books
    • Places
  • Contributions
  • Advertise
  • Contact

Sportsocratic

Thoughts, ideas, opinions and postulations on sport and adventuring

  • Sport & society
    • Ethics & Values
    • History
    • Favourite photos
    • Cultural and social issues
    • Politics
    • Big questions
    • Sport fashion
      • Sartorialism and style
  • Wild sports
  • Silly stuff
  • Sports science
    • Research
    • Coaching
    • Innovation
    • HEALTH
  • The things that made me
  • Stories
    • General sporting stories
    • Waves of Pain
      • No Respect!
      • Death Wish at Fairy Bower
      • Fried nuts
      • The ocean is a trickster… especially Hawaii’s North Shore – Gas chambers bites the unwary!
      • Titus Kinimaka’s nightmare Christmas
      • Dix dumped – the trials of a self-confessed elite body surfer
      • The little surf that nearly ruined a promising career…
      • Rabbit killer – a master takes a caning at pipeline!
      • Death Wish at Fairy Bower
      • Easternmost memory – surfing in the wild at the end of the continent
      • Nothing ruins a good surf like a couple of blokes with automatic assault rifles…
      • Agony for Miki Dora
      • Smashed at Gas Chambers
      • Who was Europe’s first surfing woman? Introducing the wonderful Witch of Newbury.
      • A bad day at Palmy – surfies and clubbies at war!
      • When being a proven waterman is not enough!
      • The highs and lows of surfing Sunset Beach while competing at the Duke Kahanamoku Invitational
      • An American midnight surf – that goes very wrong!
  • What does it mean?
    • What is a snake?
    • What does “shag” mean?
    • What does “Freddy Jones” mean?
    • What does “hook and ladder” mean?
    • What does back walk-over mean?
  • Philosophers Sport Bar
    • Socrates and Aristotle debate football defence
    • Michel de Montaigne on coaching sports
    • Ancient philosophers discuss what makes the beautiful game beautiful! Laozi and Socrates get technical.
  • Travel

Encountering tribalism… head on! Ebbsy discovers the meaning of ouch.

February 22, 2018 By Geoff Ebbs Leave a Comment Filed Under: Silly stuff, Sport and society

Sport purports to be the formal representation of a fundamental human urge.

Somewhere between the ritual thumping of the neighbouring village in a colourful mock battle and Skrilla there exists the globally important and much-loved world of professional sport.

Skrilla was launched in December 2017. It is a digital currency that operates as a gambling chip in the virtual world of GAMURS that allows you to bet virtual money on virtual games played by professional nerds virtually engaged in a colourful mock battle while physically sitting at home in their tracky dacks.

Nature of pro sport

Professional sport occupies the back page of the handful of newspapers that still exist and shares the tail end of the news bulletins that a handful of us still consume with those other things that matter most to the mythical audience of the news producer: finance and the weather.

Professional sport appears capable of surviving doping scandals, rampant commercialism, a passion for litigation and a fear ridden backlash against litigation that is incorrectly called political correctness. Of course, the 2018 World Cup in Russia at the same time as that nation faces an Olympic ban due to their systemic and criminal doping regime may somewhat test those limits.

Like commerce itself, or the hereditary inbreeding of aristocracy, the rot at the top is constantly replenished and reinvigorated by the absorption of robust blood and energy from the bottom.

Lions and Swans at a more wholesome time.

Local communities clear paddocks and carve sporting gear from broken park benches or the Camphor Laurel in the school ground; Parents desist from slashing the tyres of difficult umpires long enough to start a girl’s competition or build a curling rink in the shade of the recently pruned camphor laurel.

Thus professional sport is refreshed and rejuvenated through the pure good will of the little people at community-level while Montgomery Burns, Hugo and Mariano Jinkis feed lavishly by sucking at the engorged organs at the top.

Of course, we carefully avoid such cynicism as we urge on our tribe, huddled over our smart phone in the lunch room or basking in the glow of big screens on every wall with a pot or two at the local.

Ebbsy embraces the red and white jersey

It was with such pure sentiments I donned a white and red jersey and headed into the Melbourne sleet one Saturday morning with a bunch of mates to prove to our lovers, colleagues and mothers that we were still young, vigorous and capable. We had faced similar weather in the quickly gathering gloom on a number of winter evenings in preceding weeks, determining which of us could run and breathe at the same time, who could kick and who could catch.

Geoff pulls on the beloved red and white!

It was invigorating, it was inspiring and the awe and wonder of our lovers, colleagues and mothers was seriously gratifying. I also enjoyed a hot bath more than I had for some time after one particularly cold, damp dusk in a North Fitzroy park.

Thus prepared to contribute my innocence to the greater game, I travelled with my housemates to the ancient and glorious stadium in Edinburgh Gardens described fondly and often by Barry Dickins and once home to the Brisbane (nee Fitzroy) Lions.

The men in gold and blue, set to face us on the field, seemed impossibly young, strong and large but we beat our chests confidently, punched each other’s backs and stamped our feet in the miserable mush while breathing out as much steam as we could into the cold, damp morning.

A run at rover

On the whistle, the big men flew, so did the ball and we started running. Being small and fast, I had been nominated Rover and so ran at the heels of the pack, barking and nipping as seemed appropriate for a sheep dog with rapidly decreasing lung capacity and calf muscles screaming with pain.

We seemed to be heading toward their goal a disproportionate amount of the time and so I grabbed the ball and headed in the other direction as often as I could, approximately twice, and was quickly overtaken by a large number of giants in aureate trimmed azure who miraculously plucked the ball as they swept aside my carmine and ivory swathed body and discarded it at the side of the action.

At the blessed relief of the whistle, a lover, colleague or mother provided us with pieces of orange and Neil, our anarcho-syndicalist coach, relieved me of duties as Rover and told me to lurk at half back. There was some scoffing that half-back required an anchor, followed by another comment about a boat anchor which I did not quite catch but gathered was less than complimentary.

The enemy!

Having determined that running behind the pack is not terribly productive I decided to use my new-found and well-anchored position to develop different tactics. I decided that by pure bravery and unexpected daring I would snatch the ball from the garishly clad monsters and thereby shower glory on myself and victory on team red and white – I am not sure we ever found ourselves a name.

A vile opponent

My opponent was a barrel with short bowed legs covered in red, prickly hair. I knew I could easily out-run him. He insisted on standing in front of me, whichever way I faced, and muttering the most disgusting insults under his breath. I failed to see the invisible foe he hated so passionately, though occasionally, he continued the muttering while looking at me causing me to begin to wonder if his insults might be somehow addressed to me.

Such idle speculation was interrupted as the thundering, grunting and calling pack of brightly coloured men headed our way. I ran toward them, easily leaving behind my opponent, carefully keeping an eye on the ball as, I know full well, this is a key to getting one’s hands (bat or racquet) to connect with that much coveted object.

My feet literally flew over the ground, my hair streamed behind me as I flung myself toward the fray, finally free of the fear that I would not get my hands on the ball and luxuriate in the fame and fortune that follows a firm handling of “the pill”.

Perhaps ten meters from direct contact the object of my desire was passed across the face of the pack. The lead runner was avoiding my certain contact by passing it to his right flank across the path of my team mate some distance behind him. I sprinted sideways, following the ball and preparing to launch myself obliquely at its new owner, if necessary. He bounced it, as one must in Australian Rules, to prove one is in control and not simply running about with the bladder stuffed under one’s jumper as they do in some other sports we shall not name.

Confrontation

I lifted my alertness a notch, in case the bounce should go wrong and afford me an extra opportunity to snatch the ball while its current claimant adjusted his stride. It bounced well, though, and he had it firmly in hand as my body met his in a resounding thump that prevented me from snatching the ball from him in quite the manner I had intended.

The next thump was me hitting the ground, and the one after that as the first of a dozen men ran over the top of me, grinding me more deeply into the mire with each footfall.

A roar from the sidelines and a flurry of aurulean and cerulean ribbon focused my attention in the present. The distant dissolution of the pack into a group of slumped red and white and exuberant blue and gold indicated that the enemy had scored a goal. My glorious save had been thwarted.

This is not actually Geoff’s team. This is actually Tony Locket’s Swans against the Lions. But who is quibbling. It’s still footy.

The kind and attentive face of the quarter-time, orange-giver floated into my consciousness and embedded itself in my heart as she helped me up and to the sidelines. I will love her forever, wholly, and deeply, although she be the sworn life-partner of our coach. Despite the non-hierarchical, non-sexist nature of their vows, the bloody circumstances in which she retrieved my battered body from the battlefield somehow deepens the tribal, instinctively animal nature of their bond in my moral universe. I love her, but she loves him and his elevation in the pecking order means that my love must necessarily be chaste as theirs is carnal. That arrangement fills me with warmth and belonging: a satisfaction so complete I care no more of broken bones, torn skin or the loud buzzing in my ears.

I simply wallow in my sacrificial place in the tribal nest, whole and wholly unconscious.

And that, dear reader, is proof enough for me, at the throbbing heart of the corrupt and cynical activities which precede the weather report each day, there is something fundamentally human and undeniably real. The temptation to describe it as noble, or attribute it meaning and moral value is, I suspect, a post-hoc rationalisation designed to make our conscious selves feel somewhat more in control of our destiny and decision making – and therefore more important – than they actually are. I don’t care, though, as I float in the tribal bliss of having the alpha female lick the wounds of my semi-conscious body before I slip completely into post-battle bliss, or is that stupor?

We may never know.

Because there are no actual images of the incredible match described I have included a few snaps to celebrate sport in all its glory!

 

Geoff Ebbs

A bookish lad, Geoff Ebbs rarely engaged with spectator sports while growing up in Melbourne but discovered a post-partum longing while in Alice Springs that fed a nostalgia for South Melbourne while living in Sydney and for Fitzroy now that he lives in Brisbane. He lived in both those Melbourne suburbs as a young man.

Support Sportsocratic

Thanks for reading this story! We appreciate your visit to Sportsocratic… and love providing alternative information, opinions and angles from the sporting world. The world of sport is so full of the same old stuff from the same old sources that it drives us nuts… and it makes our day giving voice to less orthodox views. If you appreciate our free service, give some thought to helping us out. It costs us big bucks to keep Sportsocratic going but, if our readers support us, our future is much more secure.

Help us to keep you entertained and informed… and enable Socrates to keep asking those big philosophical sporting questions.

Support Sportsocratic for as little as a $1 and we would love you to bits. It only takes a few seconds!

Support Us

Tagged With: AFL, amateurism, coach, Fitzroy, Lions, professionalism, skrilla, south melbourne, sport, tribalism

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Related

travel

Dar Es Salaam to Zanzibar – reviewing a short (but lonely) journey

February 20, 2024 By SOCRATES Leave a Comment

Socrates takes us back in time when he spins a travel yarn about his journey from Tanzania capital Dar Es Salaam to the beautiful island of Zanzibar. As an Aussie expat with years of living in cushy Europe he initially finds his destination intimidating. Find out whether things got better for the intrepid sissy adventurer as he settles into his guest house in the ancient and exotic “old town” of the city of Zanzibar.

To Jambiani – Exploring Zanzibar (travel destination review)

February 18, 2024 By SOCRATES Leave a Comment

Shy and nervous Aussie Socrates doesn’t know what to make of unfamiliar and intimidating Zanzibar old town. The absence of the woman he is starting to fall for doesn’t help. Things make an unexpected turn for the better when the Netherlander heartthrob arrives at his hotel door and lets him know that she will be joining him on his exploration of the beautiful East African island after all. Join them in their journey from the bustling and eye-catching, ancient old town to the simple fishing villages of the Jambiani coast. Will the adventuring pair become an adventuring couple?

SOCRATES’ RECENT TWEETS

Tweets by Sportsocratic

Ethics and fairplay

When is cheating okay?

July 4, 2024 By SOCRATES Leave a Comment

When Socrates found out that Rugby League legend Wally Lewis had pulled off an outrageous State of Origin scam without a soul even realizing, it occurred to him that sometimes pulling a swifty should be tolerated. Here Socrates explores the history of sport and tries to establish the circumstances under which a little bit of rule book stretching is okay. Click the pic and see if you agree with him.

Wallaby v France test – the moment that soared above all the others

July 20, 2021 By SOCRATES Leave a Comment

There were many great moments in the final Wallabies versus France rugby test last week but according to Socrates, one stood our far above all the others. Was it a great try? A brilliant tackle? A perfect scrum or line-out? A fantastic bit of work at the break-down? According to the rotund Greek hooker it was none of those things. He reckons that the highlight of the game was a much quieter, simpler and more subdued moment. A moment that might have escaped the attention of millions of spectators. Find out about Socrates favorite moment of the test. Click the pic.

matildas

Just six words…

May 20, 2021 By TIMOTHY EDWARDS 1 Comment

Have you ever wished that you could meet and have a conversation with someone you idolize? What would you say to your idol to convince them to want to stay in the conversation? What would they say in response to your brilliant social skills? How would the conversation go? How would it leave you feeling? An Australian ex-professional athlete who had played with and against some of the greatest basketball talent that this country has ever seen (Andrew Gaze, Ricky Grace, Shane Heal, Phil Smythe) once, by chance, had a meeting with possibly the greatest and most famous professional sports person that has ever lived. The superstar he bumped into, in a New York elevator, just happened to be the Aussie basketballer’s idol. How did the meeting turn out? Click the pic and discover the six most memorable words in this Australian point guard’s life.

Outstanding achievement

Team Names on Sports Uniforms? Why?

May 23, 2024 By SOCRATES Leave a Comment

Socrates has been playing and watching sport for decades and one of the (many) things that has mystified and annoyed him from a young age is the way that some teams (usually basketball teams) emblazon their uniforms with their team name in text. He doesn’t get it. And he worries about where this tradition might be heading!

New surfing podcast

One of Australia’s greatest ever surfers – one of surfing’s greatest story tellers – “Rabbit” Bartholomew – talks to award winning journalist Tim Baker about life, surfing and stuff. Perfect listening for lockdown entertainment.

professionalism

So Easy To Make Hasty Judgements – Angel Reese vs Catilin Clark

December 12, 2023 By SOCRATES NEWS DESK Leave a Comment

Is the behavior of some elite athletes judged more harshly than others because of their make-up, their nails, their eyelashes, and their personal style? My own reaction to the most recent NCAA women’s basketball tournament final and the shenanigans of one LSU star player in the final moments of the game had me wondering. At the very least the public reaction to these few seconds of hard-core “trash-talking” should remind us that we should not make hasty judgements about individuals on flimsy information. Always consider the full context.

wisdom

Its just a job. Grass grows. Birds fly. Waves pound the sand. I beat people up. – Muhammad Ali

sport at mardi gras

Rusty and an ice cold beer – Photo 4.

November 7, 2024 By SOCRATES Leave a Comment

When it comes to best Australian sporting photographs with a killer back story, this one is hard to beat. What a beautiful image of a champion surfer and his mate at the infamous Sunset Beach in Hawaii. Think it looks good now? Wait until you see what the editors at an American advertising agency did to it. Ouch. Click the pic and read the full story!

A life with horses

Surfers and melanoma – how great is the risk?

November 21, 2024 By TIMOTHY EDWARDS Leave a Comment

We all know that surfers are at greater risk of skin cancer than the average non-surfer. It’s obvious. They spend more time in the sun. Should that be of real concern to surfer? Is it really that big a risk? Recent research from Southern Cross University indicates that it is a way bigger risk than most surfers… and people… imagine. Going through treatment for skin cancer lesions, even when the treatment is successful, is not fun. Surfers should be aware of the risks and take precautions. Click the pic to get the full story.

wisdom

“Pressure? Pressure is a Messerschmidt up your arse. Playing cricket is not!”

Keith Miller

One of the greatest cricket “all-rounders” of all time, Keith Miller was not only an exceptional performer in multiple elements of test cricketing (batting, bowling and fielding) but he was also gifted in numerous other aspects of his life. Witty, entertaining, handsome, a renowned war time pilot and gifted Australian Rules Footballer, Miller was famed for calling a spade a spade and acknowledging that there was much more to life than elite sports. Having flown fighter bombers in the Second World War under life threatening circumstances he was not one to take the “pressure” of high level sport too seriously!

trivia

Here is a cracker of a trivia question.

Who was the college recruiting scout talking about when he said the following to his head coach.

“I’ve just seen a fat guy… who can play like the wind!”

Yup. The same guy who told people that just because they had shoes like his, it didn’t make them like him in any other way. Charles Wade Barkley.

Etymology

Postecoglou coaching pointers

March 8, 2023 By SOCRATES Leave a Comment

Celtic football coach Ange Postecoglou’s post League Cup interview avoided the normal “we knew we had to…”, “full credit to the boys…” and “we talked about blah blah blah during the week…” bollocks that is so common in post-match player and coach chats with the media. The coach actually revealed important insights into the way great coaches think and how they seek to get the best out of their players. Any coach aspiring to become a great coach, no matter what sport they teach should listen to this interview. Postecoglou is the real deal. There are few coaches better at getting the most out of their team.

What does it mean?

What is Elvis leg?

Admit it. You’ve never heard of “Elvis leg,” have you? What the blazes is “Elvis leg?” As is the case with every other “What does it mean…” story we have ever posted, the answer is not directly related to the name itself. It is indirectly related to Elvis, though. Have a guess what the relationship is… then click here and check out whether your were correct. Find out for certain which sport uses this term and what it means.

What is a liberator?

Of course most you aviation buffs will think that a liberator is an American WW2 heavy bomber. Fair enough. But in a sporting context does it have a completely different meaning? Indeed it does. You are going to have to click here to find out what a liberator is and does in the world of sport.

Aphorisms, insights and wisdom

“The thing that’s depressing about tennis is that no matter how good I get I will never be as good as a wall.”

More perceptive sporting analysis from Mitch Hedberg, comic genius.

 

ebook

Phillip has returned to the south of India after eighteen years. But who is the young girl staying in his hotel? And what will he learn about his estranged brother through Inez, the Spanish backpacker?

To buy The Bangalore Test, John Campbell’s new ebook novella, just click the link.

  • Email
  • Facebook
  • Instagram
  • Twitter

©2019 Sportsocratic