• Home
  • SOCRATES’ THINKING
    • News and comment
    • Editorial
  • About
  • US
    • Sportsocratic team
    • Contributors
  • Reviews
    • Adventures
    • Books
    • Places
  • Contributions
  • Advertise
  • Contact

Sportsocratic

Thoughts, ideas, opinions and postulations on sport and adventuring

  • Sport & society
    • Ethics & Values
    • History
    • Favourite photos
    • Cultural and social issues
    • Politics
    • Big questions
    • Sport fashion
      • Sartorialism and style
  • Wild sports
  • Silly stuff
  • Sports science
    • Research
    • Coaching
    • Innovation
    • HEALTH
  • The things that made me
  • Stories
    • General sporting stories
    • Waves of Pain
      • No Respect!
      • Death Wish at Fairy Bower
      • Fried nuts
      • The ocean is a trickster… especially Hawaii’s North Shore – Gas chambers bites the unwary!
      • Titus Kinimaka’s nightmare Christmas
      • Dix dumped – the trials of a self-confessed elite body surfer
      • The little surf that nearly ruined a promising career…
      • Rabbit killer – a master takes a caning at pipeline!
      • Death Wish at Fairy Bower
      • Easternmost memory – surfing in the wild at the end of the continent
      • Nothing ruins a good surf like a couple of blokes with automatic assault rifles…
      • Agony for Miki Dora
      • Smashed at Gas Chambers
      • Who was Europe’s first surfing woman? Introducing the wonderful Witch of Newbury.
      • A bad day at Palmy – surfies and clubbies at war!
      • When being a proven waterman is not enough!
      • The highs and lows of surfing Sunset Beach while competing at the Duke Kahanamoku Invitational
      • An American midnight surf – that goes very wrong!
  • What does it mean?
    • What is a snake?
    • What does “shag” mean?
    • What does “Freddy Jones” mean?
    • What does “hook and ladder” mean?
    • What does back walk-over mean?
  • Philosophers Sport Bar
    • Socrates and Aristotle debate football defence
    • Michel de Montaigne on coaching sports
    • Ancient philosophers discuss what makes the beautiful game beautiful! Laozi and Socrates get technical.
  • Travel

An idiot buys a bike

September 18, 2016 By SOCRATES 1 Comment Filed Under: Silly stuff

A beautiful new second hand Italian road racing bike without its front wheel
A beautiful new second hand Italian road racing bike without its front wheel

The doctor said that the meniscus in my right knee was kinda dodgy so he recommended that I back off on the running for a bit and take up bicycle riding. So… a couple of days ago I bought a beautiful, new, second-hand, Italian racing bike. I was so excited. I couldn’t wait for my first ride. I pulled the bike, the front wheel, a bottle of water, my new helmet and a few other odds and ends out of my station wagon. Yay. Here we go!

I got off to a bad start. I realized I didn’t know how to fit the front wheel onto the frame. I tried for half an hour. Eventually, I loaded the bike, the wheel, the helmet, the water bottle and the odds and ends back into the car and drove around to where my bike expert mate was working to get a hand. The mate quickly pointed out the problem, got my wheel fitted, gave me a basic lesson in bicycle engineering and got me underway. Because I had blown away an hour I only now had time left for a quick peddle around town. Oh well. It was still great.

After my first ride, I decided to swing by the bicycle shop to buy a new chain. As a new, fully paid up, member of the bike-owning community I proudly strutted into the shop and confidently asked the shop owner for a new chain. The shop owner asked what kind of chain I wanted. I responded that I didn’t really care… just an ordinary chain would be fine.

This is not a bike chain
This is not a bike chain

He asked what kind of bicycle I had. I said that I didn’t really know. I said that it was some kind of old Italian fancy racing road machine. He asked if it had gears. I said that it did. He asked how many gears it had. I said that I didn’t really know. Maybe… eighteen… or twenty-one… or something like that. He said that it was important. He needed to know what kind of gears I had or the chain might not work properly. He tried to explain that the chain goes through the gears.

This is a bike chain
This is a bike chain

I was a bit puzzled. I couldn’t really see how the gears effected the chain and couldn’t understand why he was asking so many questions. I just wanted a basic, not too good or too expensive bicycle chain. Eventually, he reached under the counter and pulled out a fancy looking piece of technology all wrapped in exotic looking packaging. I was a bit puzzled. I looked again at the object on the counter and said… “but I want a bike chain.” Then he looked puzzled and responded… “that is a bike chain!”

Then the penny dropped. I said “No, no, no… sorry. I want a chain to chain the bugger up with. You know. A bike chain. Not an… err… bike-chain.”

I think that he thought that I was an idiot.

I even have a beautiful Skoda station wagon to go with my bike
I even have a beautiful Skoda station wagon to go with my bike

SOCRATES

Short, fat, slow, uncoordinated and clumsy, ancient Athenian Socrates had very few of the physical quality required of the elite athlete. He did have, on the other hand, a better than average brain between his ears and a mouth that could talk opposing players, referees and coaches half into their graves. Socrates, as a sport analyst, is what the world needs and misses. He is an opinionated so-and-so that actually thinks deeply about sport and adventuring and likes nothing better than provoking others into deep thought. Socrates is the antithesis of the sporting jock or the West Sydney soccer supporter.

Support Sportsocratic

Thanks for reading this story! We appreciate your visit to Sportsocratic… and love providing alternative information, opinions and angles from the sporting world. The world of sport is so full of the same old stuff from the same old sources that it drives us nuts… and it makes our day giving voice to less orthodox views. If you appreciate our free service, give some thought to helping us out. It costs us big bucks to keep Sportsocratic going but, if our readers support us, our future is much more secure.

Help us to keep you entertained and informed… and enable Socrates to keep asking those big philosophical sporting questions.

Support Sportsocratic for as little as a $1 and we would love you to bits. It only takes a few seconds!

Support Us

Comments

  1. Kate says

    October 3, 2016 at 8:00 am

    I was totally on the same page as you, Socrates…. Marty , when I finished reading this out to him (therefore no photo clues), said- “he needed a lock”. Maybe you & Marty should go riding together…. You don’t need another idiot like me in your peloton…..!!

    Reply

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Related

travel

Dar Es Salaam to Zanzibar – reviewing a short (but lonely) journey

February 20, 2024 By SOCRATES Leave a Comment

Socrates takes us back in time when he spins a travel yarn about his journey from Tanzania capital Dar Es Salaam to the beautiful island of Zanzibar. As an Aussie expat with years of living in cushy Europe he initially finds his destination intimidating. Find out whether things got better for the intrepid sissy adventurer as he settles into his guest house in the ancient and exotic “old town” of the city of Zanzibar.

To Jambiani – Exploring Zanzibar (travel destination review)

February 18, 2024 By SOCRATES Leave a Comment

Shy and nervous Aussie Socrates doesn’t know what to make of unfamiliar and intimidating Zanzibar old town. The absence of the woman he is starting to fall for doesn’t help. Things make an unexpected turn for the better when the Netherlander heartthrob arrives at his hotel door and lets him know that she will be joining him on his exploration of the beautiful East African island after all. Join them in their journey from the bustling and eye-catching, ancient old town to the simple fishing villages of the Jambiani coast. Will the adventuring pair become an adventuring couple?

SOCRATES’ RECENT TWEETS

Tweets by Sportsocratic

Ethics and fairplay

When is cheating okay?

July 4, 2024 By SOCRATES Leave a Comment

When Socrates found out that Rugby League legend Wally Lewis had pulled off an outrageous State of Origin scam without a soul even realizing, it occurred to him that sometimes pulling a swifty should be tolerated. Here Socrates explores the history of sport and tries to establish the circumstances under which a little bit of rule book stretching is okay. Click the pic and see if you agree with him.

Wallaby v France test – the moment that soared above all the others

July 20, 2021 By SOCRATES Leave a Comment

There were many great moments in the final Wallabies versus France rugby test last week but according to Socrates, one stood our far above all the others. Was it a great try? A brilliant tackle? A perfect scrum or line-out? A fantastic bit of work at the break-down? According to the rotund Greek hooker it was none of those things. He reckons that the highlight of the game was a much quieter, simpler and more subdued moment. A moment that might have escaped the attention of millions of spectators. Find out about Socrates favorite moment of the test. Click the pic.

matildas

Just six words…

May 20, 2021 By TIMOTHY EDWARDS 1 Comment

Have you ever wished that you could meet and have a conversation with someone you idolize? What would you say to your idol to convince them to want to stay in the conversation? What would they say in response to your brilliant social skills? How would the conversation go? How would it leave you feeling? An Australian ex-professional athlete who had played with and against some of the greatest basketball talent that this country has ever seen (Andrew Gaze, Ricky Grace, Shane Heal, Phil Smythe) once, by chance, had a meeting with possibly the greatest and most famous professional sports person that has ever lived. The superstar he bumped into, in a New York elevator, just happened to be the Aussie basketballer’s idol. How did the meeting turn out? Click the pic and discover the six most memorable words in this Australian point guard’s life.

Outstanding achievement

Team Names on Sports Uniforms? Why?

May 23, 2024 By SOCRATES Leave a Comment

Socrates has been playing and watching sport for decades and one of the (many) things that has mystified and annoyed him from a young age is the way that some teams (usually basketball teams) emblazon their uniforms with their team name in text. He doesn’t get it. And he worries about where this tradition might be heading!

New surfing podcast

One of Australia’s greatest ever surfers – one of surfing’s greatest story tellers – “Rabbit” Bartholomew – talks to award winning journalist Tim Baker about life, surfing and stuff. Perfect listening for lockdown entertainment.

professionalism

So Easy To Make Hasty Judgements – Angel Reese vs Catilin Clark

December 12, 2023 By SOCRATES NEWS DESK Leave a Comment

Is the behavior of some elite athletes judged more harshly than others because of their make-up, their nails, their eyelashes, and their personal style? My own reaction to the most recent NCAA women’s basketball tournament final and the shenanigans of one LSU star player in the final moments of the game had me wondering. At the very least the public reaction to these few seconds of hard-core “trash-talking” should remind us that we should not make hasty judgements about individuals on flimsy information. Always consider the full context.

wisdom

Its just a job. Grass grows. Birds fly. Waves pound the sand. I beat people up. – Muhammad Ali

sport at mardi gras

Rusty and an ice cold beer – Photo 4.

November 7, 2024 By SOCRATES Leave a Comment

When it comes to best Australian sporting photographs with a killer back story, this one is hard to beat. What a beautiful image of a champion surfer and his mate at the infamous Sunset Beach in Hawaii. Think it looks good now? Wait until you see what the editors at an American advertising agency did to it. Ouch. Click the pic and read the full story!

A life with horses

Surfers and melanoma – how great is the risk?

November 21, 2024 By TIMOTHY EDWARDS Leave a Comment

We all know that surfers are at greater risk of skin cancer than the average non-surfer. It’s obvious. They spend more time in the sun. Should that be of real concern to surfer? Is it really that big a risk? Recent research from Southern Cross University indicates that it is a way bigger risk than most surfers… and people… imagine. Going through treatment for skin cancer lesions, even when the treatment is successful, is not fun. Surfers should be aware of the risks and take precautions. Click the pic to get the full story.

wisdom

“Pressure? Pressure is a Messerschmidt up your arse. Playing cricket is not!”

Keith Miller

One of the greatest cricket “all-rounders” of all time, Keith Miller was not only an exceptional performer in multiple elements of test cricketing (batting, bowling and fielding) but he was also gifted in numerous other aspects of his life. Witty, entertaining, handsome, a renowned war time pilot and gifted Australian Rules Footballer, Miller was famed for calling a spade a spade and acknowledging that there was much more to life than elite sports. Having flown fighter bombers in the Second World War under life threatening circumstances he was not one to take the “pressure” of high level sport too seriously!

trivia

Here is a cracker of a trivia question.

Who was the college recruiting scout talking about when he said the following to his head coach.

“I’ve just seen a fat guy… who can play like the wind!”

Yup. The same guy who told people that just because they had shoes like his, it didn’t make them like him in any other way. Charles Wade Barkley.

Etymology

Postecoglou coaching pointers

March 8, 2023 By SOCRATES Leave a Comment

Celtic football coach Ange Postecoglou’s post League Cup interview avoided the normal “we knew we had to…”, “full credit to the boys…” and “we talked about blah blah blah during the week…” bollocks that is so common in post-match player and coach chats with the media. The coach actually revealed important insights into the way great coaches think and how they seek to get the best out of their players. Any coach aspiring to become a great coach, no matter what sport they teach should listen to this interview. Postecoglou is the real deal. There are few coaches better at getting the most out of their team.

What does it mean?

What is Elvis leg?

Admit it. You’ve never heard of “Elvis leg,” have you? What the blazes is “Elvis leg?” As is the case with every other “What does it mean…” story we have ever posted, the answer is not directly related to the name itself. It is indirectly related to Elvis, though. Have a guess what the relationship is… then click here and check out whether your were correct. Find out for certain which sport uses this term and what it means.

What is a liberator?

Of course most you aviation buffs will think that a liberator is an American WW2 heavy bomber. Fair enough. But in a sporting context does it have a completely different meaning? Indeed it does. You are going to have to click here to find out what a liberator is and does in the world of sport.

Aphorisms, insights and wisdom

“The thing that’s depressing about tennis is that no matter how good I get I will never be as good as a wall.”

More perceptive sporting analysis from Mitch Hedberg, comic genius.

 

ebook

Phillip has returned to the south of India after eighteen years. But who is the young girl staying in his hotel? And what will he learn about his estranged brother through Inez, the Spanish backpacker?

To buy The Bangalore Test, John Campbell’s new ebook novella, just click the link.

  • Email
  • Facebook
  • Instagram
  • Twitter

©2019 Sportsocratic